i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
