At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
