you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
