i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I party with great urgency now.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
