Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
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he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
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I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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