For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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