You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
