from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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