What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
