Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
