dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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