dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
