He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
