and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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