erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
