Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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