I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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