$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
