Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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