so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
