Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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