My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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