omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
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This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
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If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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