im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
