Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Randomize
