I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
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history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
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So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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