she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
