yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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