apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
