His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
