Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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