drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
