I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
