If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
