my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
someone owes me an orgasm
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
