I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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