so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize