Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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