Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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