Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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