It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Two words: nipple clamps
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