We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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