you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
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He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
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You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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