I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
