i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
