She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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