WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She's the barista slut.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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