we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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