Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
