then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
