So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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