He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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