For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
