Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
