I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
