I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
