I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She told me I should be a condom model.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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