You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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