..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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