She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
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Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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