erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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