You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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