all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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