id be glad to
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
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I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
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Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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