Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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