I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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