Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
