So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
