By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
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I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
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You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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